Couples Counseling
Emotionally Focused Couples Counseling
We all need attachments to survive. When there is conflict in relationships, it often results from our underlying attachment needs feeling unmet or in question.
Understanding Attachment
In couples counseling, I draw from my training in Emotionally Focused Therapy, a system which is based in attachment theory.
When we feel our attachment needs are unmet, we often communicate through protective, defensive, or avoidant strategies, as opposed to experiencing the underlying and vulnerable emotions: my needs don’t matter, my partner doesn’t care, I’m unlovable, I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy.
In couples counseling, we reframe our reactions.
For the person who is the more anxious, pursuing partner—that is often their way of fighting for the relationship. For the partner who is more avoidant or withdrawing, that is their own way of preserving the relationship.
These approaches can continue to trigger each other in a cycle.
In couples counseling, we slow down. We work to get under the surface of reactive behaviors and emotions that we see and look at the more vulnerable emotions resulting from our unmet attachment needs.
By interpreting these needs together, I aim to help you communicate your attachment needs directly to each other.
Couples Counseling - What to Expect
Beginning couples counseling can be overwhelming.
Here’s what to expect when we work together.
Session 1: We start at the beginning. What was it like when you first met? What drew you to each other? When did things start to shift, and what do you see as your current dynamic and challenges?
Session 2: I meet with each of you individually to learn more about your individual attachment histories and how past relationships may impact your current relationship. I’ll hear more from both of you about how you understand your role within your cycle.
Session 3: Coming back together, we work to outline what your negative cycle is and externalize it—the cycle, not the partner, is the problem. We use this as a tool to begin reframing and slowing down conflict in session and, eventually, out in the world.
Beyond: Often, most subsequent sessions are with both of you. Occasionally, we’ll break out into individual sessions too if it’s helpful to process certain issues that come up.
FAQs
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To get to know each other and establish trust, we'll start by meeting weekly. As we get to know each other, we can explore other frequencies and modalities to suit your needs.
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For some people, going to counseling can be intimidating or overwhelming. Coming in for the first session can make the idea of couples counseling feel much more human and welcoming. If you'd like to discuss your situation and your needs, I'm happy to get on the phone for a consultation.
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One-hour couples sessions cost $200.